Uncertainty

If you're so certain about something, that means there's one truth you have no idea about.

Your Arabic word of the day is إيمان.

It’s pronounced as Imaan, and it means faith. It’s also used as a female name….

When the ground trembles beneath your feet, when death looks at you with a determined gaze, you begin to question everything, you start doubting every idea you’ve always held on to. You lose faith, you lose a part of your soul if not all of it.

I woke up today with the word Imaan whispering in my head, and I believe that the first idea that comes to your mind when you’re opening your eyes is a message sent to you. So, I kept repeating it in my head, I needed to remember it; so that I think about it more. Faith, why this word in particular? What’s so special about it? And why now when I’m starting something? I’m so preserved when it comes to Imaan, because I find it a very deep word that can’t just be said regularly without a deep understanding of it. “Have faith”, what is faith? Can you really feel it? describe it to me! If it’s ‘deep trust’, How can you believe in something with no doubt? lots of questions I know, but it’s a lot to grasp.

Al Hallaj —who is a well known Arab thinker and poet— once said “ من شك عندي فقد آمن, واليقين ضلال”. What it means is, “ To me, those who have doubts ‘believed’, and absolute certainty is astray.” In order to believe you need to doubt first, and I couldn’t agree more. Al Hallaj got crucified of course, he was considered “Daring”, as he doubted his government too.

Prophet Ibrahim was full of doubts before he reached the true God. He was contemplating nature and believed that there should be a creator. He was seeking certainty, he was seeking God. So, he thought the sun gives warmth and light, it should be God, then the sun set. It’s the moon he thought, then the moon too was gone. What God is that that leaves?! Doubts upon doubts till he found the truth.

Ibrahim, and Al Hallaj were full of doubts, they dared themselves to find one truth. Reaching certainty is a path that starts with doubts, Faith is not just a word you can say, it’s life. Uncertainty is scary, and it takes courage to embrace, it takes power too.

I couldn’t be more uncertain in my whole life, with this darkness surrounding me, that no matter how hard I try to open my eyes, I can only see more darkness. Though there’s one true thing I’m sure of, I am Mona, and Mona is me. If my path is full of doubts, I can start my journey of faith by believing in her. For so long I have doubted her abilities, for so long she felt broken that whenever she sees an opportunity she brushes it off. Darkness is so strong she couldn’t open her eyes more, so she just surrendered and closed them….

Mona against my well is opening her eyes again, a rebel the way she always used to be. She’s seeking light, she’s seeking life. She’s seeking that one truth, that she can do whatever she wants, that she’s ready for whatever life throws at her. Easy, small steps, heavy but steady that she can count on. The ground is shaky, it’s making it hard to stabilize, but she can lean on trees, when it trembles beneath her feet. Faith it is, Imaan in herself. It takes courage Mona, but you can do it….

I couldn’t love my name more….